untitled

my laughter rang in your ears and resonated in your heart
my smile became the subject of a song you wrote in earnest

I giggled uncomfortably
no one had ever written me a song
but you did
I never forgot that

some nights when I lay my head on my cool pillow
I look to my right and I close my eyes
your fingers interlace between mine
rolling on your side, you let me trace your spine
with my thumb and first finger

when I awake my bed is empty
you were never there
yet you were--
you are everywhere I go
everywhere I look
in my mind
on a mountain top
but housed in the depths of a secret cave

I want for you to be real again
I want to shout my love for you
to anyone who will listen
grab you by the throat and kiss you in public--
in front of everyone you hide me from now
so that their gaze will judge me
though neither of  us will care

open your hands and let me place my tears between them
keep them safe, and give them validation
let this silence receive an answer
your answer
the voice that only
God can keep me from returning to

where does the heart go
when it dies a silent death?

I have no doubt that true love is redeemed
reunited, restored, replenished

I am but a pebble, but you are water
you carried me down the river
but I washed upstream
and now I'm alone
on dry land