So how's the sugar detox going, Saira? I know I haven't checked in since day 1, so I must say that five days all went as I wanted. Then I took a trip out of town and the tumble weeds really started to roll down the road. I've allowed myself a bite of this or that in the two days since that eventful lunch, but I have resolved to get some gym days in to motivate me further. I felt compelled to write today, of all days, because, frankly, I am in an atrocious mood. The kind of mood where I sullenly walk in the front door and leave everything to the imagination, as I won't say anything about my day. The kind of mood that provokes a few hearty punches into the unassuming steering wheel. Where everywhere I go tonight I am alone in my thoughts, as this small town leaves people to their houses and their moderately contented lives on the weekdays or to their quiet, suppressed lives of drudgery. Yet for some reason no one seems to mind. Their robot mode is in play, and their passions and pursuits are not a part of their everyday reality. All has been dialed down to a steady soft him: day in, day out.
I'm tired of pushing my will on apathetic, bitter, inwardly discounted people. When I set out to help someone with good intent and kindness I am rewarded with ugly words and no appreciation. I wonder if this is how my parents felt when I was a teenager, or even now when my moods don't welcome
their pleasant dispositions. I m ready to leave this place that felt like a fenced in, over watched existence. I would love to be anonymous now and only influence those who will readily receive my words and my effort, or at least let what I say stew in
their minds for later perusal and usage.
Tonight I am not pleased.
May tomorrow be significantly improved,
Saira
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