bright pink balloon

Just now I closed my eyes and imagined the happiest most exhilarating object. I imagined a bright pink balloon, the joy I felt when I was a child and I got one of these after an auspicious event. I wanted to remember that jolt of happiness I felt because I have lately been in the trap of putting myself in a closed confined space in my mind. Sadness has washed away the memories of bright pink balloons. Instead of feeling instantaneous, unadulterated whee! I now see a wall of black, and every time I try to get past it I am reminded of its presence, looming over me like the great impossible.

I am still in transition. I am forming new relationships with friends, continuing to push through a new workout program, starting a new job, applying to graduate school this fall, learning so many "news." I'm finally taking the responsibility to become the person I have always wanted to be but felt too lazy, too scared, or too overwhelmed to become. I never had a good reason to start becoming before, but now I have no other choice. I must become the best version of me right now. Every day. With every breath I take and every choice I make I will become her, the person who smiles through her struggles and tries again, over and over, until persistence yield optimum results.

I like this Taylor Swift song right now. I relate to the lyrics, and I believe in them.

If you are in my life, I love you, and I can't wait for you to see the real me.

Love,
Saira