shameless shame

Night times are hard. I think about everything in my life I'm dissatisfied with and fixate. I've found a solution, though. I play a host of embarrassingly dorky songs and listen to my heart's content. You've probably heard Gangnam Style. Well, it's making me laugh and smile and be really happy right now. Before this I checked out Taylor Swift's new album. Some of the songs are rather catchy. As much as I'm embarrassed by these choices, I'm really not. They make me giddy, and I am learning that I don't need to apologize for what brings me joy. And joy is exactly what I need right now. Other than my own issues I'm dealing with, I have this horrible dinosaur cough from hell. I've been hacking and nearly vomiting from the exertion almost all day. I hope I get abs of steel after all these shenanigans.

I want to add a special thank you to the people in my life right now. Even those who are hanging on by a spider web thread. You mean the world to me, and right now you are giving my life meaning and validity.

Love,
Saira

a frenzied fall

Hello Beautiful World! Did you miss me? I'm happy to return to the land of the blogs after a super extended leave of absence. Since I've been away I have accomplished muchos with my life and then tore away parts of it and stepped back to examine what hid in the crevices. I've met amazing people with amazing stories. I've listened to friends cry and babies squeal in delight. I've become more family-centered, more balanced, and more loving of myself as a unique and special person. I started my non-traditional teaching track, and I eagerly await this summer when I start applying for open positions in junior high and high school English classrooms. As joyous as this past year has been it's also been painful and incredibly personal. I felt myself slip from God's Grasp, though I discovered God never left me. Some nights I lay in bed sobbing, wondering what would become of me and my life; was the journey over? In moments of desolation and hardship I found a maternal comfort in silence, and I felt nothing in particular stroke my back and smooth down my disheveled hair. I am strong and I am beautiful in my vulnerability. I honestly have never felt so accepting in my life!

What lies ahead is yet to be uncovered each day. I can only pray a prayer of gratitude and continue walking straight ahead calmly and surely.

It's good to be back.