Gotta Start Something. Sometime.

I've had this on my mind for several days. And quite like I'm used to doing I let the idea chill on the freezer shelf. I didn't want to hastily commit to something I was not ready for. Then I stopped fretting. I want this summer to be more than a break from teaching and attending graduate school. I talk about finding meaning in life. Seeking answers. But how do I justify my intent?

This is more for me at this point than I feel comfortable admitting. I am ready to unhatch a plan called "The Summer of Giving." What I want more than anything is to be able to give back a certain serenity to myself. It's nice and all to think of myself as a "good" person. I try to help people when I can. I have volunteered when I considered it an appropriate action in the appropriate circumstances. Yet what I want to do is take selflessness a step further than what I have attempted. Selflessness to cure selfishness.

For the remainder of the summer I'd like to explore what options I have to spread positive energy. I imagine it like a circle starting with myself, extending through people I meet, and returning to a self-evaluation. I think I'm a feeling sort of person. I'm very expressive and emotive. I'm definitely one to wear my heart boldly on my sleeve.

And so I begin.

Day 1: Resuming recovery. I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday. Experiencing this small bout of pain puts the general image of pain in perspective. I mean, I winced and cried over two piece of bloody gauze that were set in place to collect part of the natural healing process. My parents were able to afford the surgery, which had its cost even after a healthy dose of insurance contribution. I wonder what happens when people can't afford what seems like basic necessities to me. A teeth cleaning, wisdom teeth extraction (if needed), a trip to the hair salon for regular trims, shots (when needed). And I think to pregnancy. I cannot imagine not having health insurance when I have to go through that ordeal. I've seen some of my friends who had to undergo the preggers thing a little earlier than they anticipated. Well, earlier than what they wanted. It's tough. After these disconnected thoughts (though I know they must be connected in some way), I'm utterly thankful that I am one of the chosen. What do I mean by chosen?

I do not have to wake up in the middle of the night and flee armies who are against me. I am clothed, warmly sheltered in the winter and cooly in the summer, I have delicious food within my reach whenever I desire it, and I love and am loved deeply.

There should be no questioning this fortune, I know. I just feel like I need to show my appreciation. I fully believe in good returning to those who create it, or try to.

Tip #47: Smile everytime you look in the mirror. Not at your image but at the image you can create.