water pours

I'm staring at the screen, ready for an update after a dry spell on the blog, and I have absolutely nothing to write. Of course, I can write about how I feel, how my day went, but I will, in retrospect, not want to mind trivial affairs. I will want to remember that I am much bigger than a setback all in a day's living. So I'm going to do something I really don't want to now, but I know that I need to do. Before I go and do some stress relief yoga, I'm going to make yet another list. This list is going to be an assortment of that for which I am proud or thankful. If all I do is focus on the yuck when I feel like yuck I wont get anymore right then. And right now is all we really have. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, and yesterday has contributed to who we are but it's completely out of reach. Let's go.

1. I have two degrees, which I will hopefully put to use soon.
2. I have an extremely supportive and caring family.
3. My friendships are deep and not surface level.
4. Even when I don't feel beautiful, I know that I really am in many ways.
5. I am working harder than I ever have in my life to support myself financially.
6. I passed the Praxis I, and I hope to pass Praxis II tomorrow.
7. My kitten, Pasha, is a kitten no longer, and she has grown so gracefully. She's healthy and content.
8. So far most of my goodbyes in life have been temporary, even if for many years.
9. I never want for any basic need.
10. I need prayer and reflection more than I have in life so far; it's not bad to pray. It's really really good.
11. I learn and retain information well.
12. When I sub I really try to be the best teacher/person I can be in the classroom. I keep my standards high but I always meet the students where they are when they need help. I am getting good practice for the main work phase of my life in the coming chapters.
13. I always forgive.

Right now that exercise did nothing for me. I'm right where I was when I started, but I know that when I read over this after I post it, and several days from now, I will have insight and enhanced meaning.

What falls must fall to reach the ground. Once it stops it can fall no more. It has found a home in resolve and surrender.

Saira